I’ve got Christmas lights and holly
Decorating my wheelchair,
A Christmas woolly hat
On what used to be my hair.
I’ve got polyphonic stereo
Playing Christmas carols, jigs and reels,
Merry Christmas on my bumper
And snow-chains on my wheels.
I’ve got mince pies in my pannier,
A hipflask with whisky too.
A pair of heated gloves
To stop my fingers turning blue.
I’ve got a length of rope behind me,
In case I need a tow,
And a pair of skis upon my feet
In case we have some snow.
What the weather will be like,
We really do not know.
Whether it will be raining
Or whether there will be snow.
But if there’s snow upon the ground
As deep as it can be.
I’ve got an ingenious plan,
With six huskies pulling me.
So wishing you all a Merry Christmas
And a prosperous New Year.
I hope your hearts will be filled
With joy and festive cheer.
So if you see me approaching
Or hear my polyphonic sound,
Let’s hope we don’t have a frost
Or ice upon the ground.
Otherwise you’ll hear me screaming,
And as you wonder why.
You’ll realise that I cannot stop
As I go skidding by.
The huskies have all deserted
All of them broken free.
Blue lights are now flashing,
And the police are chasing me.
My feet are numb and frozen.
You don’t know how bad that feels.
I’ve been issued with a fine
And clamps around my wheels.
They’ve confiscated my stereo
And eaten my last mince pie,
RSPCA have got my dogs
And I think I’m going to cry.
Copyright ©IanmAllan2020
