My Christmas Wheelchair

 

 

I’ve got Christmas lights and holly

Decorating my wheelchair,

A Christmas woolly hat

On what used to be my hair.

I’ve got polyphonic stereo

Playing Christmas carols, jigs and reels,

Merry Christmas on my bumper

And snow-chains on my wheels.

 

I’ve got mince pies in my pannier,

A hipflask with whisky too.

A pair of heated gloves

To stop my fingers turning blue.

I’ve got a length of rope behind me,

In case I need a tow,

And a pair of skis upon my feet

In case we have some snow.

 

What the weather will be like,

We really do not know.

Whether it will be raining

Or whether there will be snow.

But if there’s snow upon the ground

As deep as it can be.

I’ve got an ingenious plan,

With six huskies pulling me.

 

So wishing you all a Merry Christmas

And a prosperous New Year.

I hope your hearts will be filled

With joy and festive cheer.

So if you see me approaching

Or hear my polyphonic sound,

Let’s hope we don’t have a frost

Or ice upon the ground.

Otherwise you’ll hear me screaming,

And as you wonder why.

You’ll realise that I cannot stop

As I go skidding by.

 

The huskies have all deserted

All of them broken free.

Blue lights are now flashing,

And the police are chasing me.

My feet are numb and frozen.

You don’t know how bad that feels.

I’ve been issued with a fine

And clamps around my wheels.

They’ve confiscated my stereo

And eaten my last mince pie,

RSPCA have got my dogs

And I think I’m going to cry.

 

Copyright ©IanmAllan2020